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blastortoise:

white people: mike brown robbed that store!

Lawyer: no he didn’t

Store owners: nope

Eye witnesses: nah

white people:

white people: MIKE BROWN ROBBED THAT STORE

cocobeef:

LOOKIN CUTE IN THE MIRROR LIKE

image

THEN IN THE PHOTO I’M ALL LIKE

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HACHACHACHA GIMME YOUR FIRSTBORN

sharpslut:

i wish people had crushes on me 

troylersombrero:

herestothegirlthatwreckedmyworld:

wellisnthatwizard:

hohenheiny:

YOU GUYS

SO I ACTUALLY DID THIS A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK THEY LOOKED AT THIS SORT OF THING SO BY THE TIME THE DELIVERY MAN CAME I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT I WROTE THAT AND THE GUY WAS REALLY CUTE. WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR HE WAS SUPER FLUSTERED AND DROPPED HIS PEN, THE BAG HOLDING THE PIZZA AND THE RECEIPTS. THEN after i signed the receipt and he was getting ready to leAVEEEE HE GOES “So… umm… did you actually put that?” and i was like “put what?” and he goes “… to.. um… tell you.. um that you’re pretty” omg it hit me that this was why he was all nervous and i started cracking up omfg then he told me that i was pretty.

ahhh pizza

i did this once but when the guy came to the door I sent my friend Martin to get the pizza and I heard muffled laughter and then Martin came back into the room with the pizza and whispered “he told me I was pretty”

Omg

This is on my bucket list

echatter:

voicetoosmooth:

jazelq:

HER HAIR IS FINALLY DOWN

She looks… mature.

Who is she

goodfuckingcoffee:

packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip

unpacks 3 months after coming home

nickyrads:

leander-ligo:

lordthundercox:

Yes, it does.

Guys get morning wood because our bladders fill up during the night and begin to press against our prostate, causing arousal. Our dicks don’t just feel the sun coming up and think “My time has come”

I’m dying

kentrippy:

do u ever have to start a song over bc YOU FORGOT TO FUCKING LISTEN.

hey does anyone wanna give me $500 so i can go on a shopping spree? ill send u photos of everything i buy